


A Very Special Adventure

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dimitri and Edelgard regret nothing, Eating the Weeds, Gen, Giddiness, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Magical Space Adventures, Outer Space, The Author Regrets Nothing, voltron references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24935896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: Dedue isn't around, Dimitri indulges his curiosity, and Edelgard joins him.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd & Edelgard von Hresvelg
Kudos: 27
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	A Very Special Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt** : Short humor prompt (non-lewd) where Dimitri eats the weeds and takes a magical adventure through space...and you're free to interpret that however you like. Bonus points if Edelgard joins him. Poor girl's too serious. XD
> 
> Some random/crack humor is just what I need to brighten my day rn.

"Please do not eat the weeds." Dedue meant well, he always did, and Dimitri cherished him deeply. But sometimes he could be way too overprotective and damn it, Dimitri was curious. Ever since learning edible plants lived among the weeds, he'd done a little studying and could more or less identify which ones could be eaten without the nasty side effect of dying.

He was on weed duty alone today. Without Dedue smacking his hand away from the edible ones, he was free to sample.

"Dimitri."

"Edelgard?"

"The professor asked me to help you with the weeding," she said. "And it certainly looks like you need it, the way you're simply _staring_ at them." She knelt down, and he tried not to sigh. It was hard being around someone you remembered so clearly, but they didn't seem to remember you. And he was sure he'd pissed her off by asking her about her hair color in the Abyss, she'd told him she'd explain later but later never came.

"Some of them are said to be edible, and I'm simply trying to pick out the ones that are so I can try them." Even if he couldn't taste them, they were bound to have interesting textures. Edelgard raised an eyebrow, and he was almost certain she would run to tell the professor...or worse, Dedue.

"How easily _can_ you pick one out?" she challenged, and he breathed a sigh of relief. _There_ was a spark of the adventurous girl he'd known back in the Kingdom. He smirked, fingers combing through a small patch until he found one that looked just like the pictures he'd seen.

"Lemon clover," he said. "Edible, and used in a pinch to perk up recipies when actual lemons or lemongrass are unavailable, according to my research." Edelgard's eyes lit up.

"There looks to be plenty of it as well! Certainly the Crown Prince is selfless enough to share with the Imperial Princess?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Each one consumed a small helping. Within seconds of swallowing, the air around them suddenly grew thinner, then thicker, and the sky grew dark and filled with stars. And was it just his imagination, or was he floating?

"Dimitri..." Edelgard giggled. "Dimitri, look! We're in the sky!"

"Why, I believe we are! And look, those are other planets! I've heard of them in the forbidden astronomy books!" And to think he'd gone his whole life being satisfied believing all life existed on Earth, just because Lady Rhea and the church said so. Right now his eyes were opening to so many possibilities, even the existence of life on these other planets.

"Dimitri! Swim through the sky with me!" Edelgard cried. On land, in the lakes, she'd always been terrified to swim. In the sky she was as fearless as anyone. They breast-stroked their way through the galaxies, gasping in wonder at the colorful planets and constellations, until they stopped to rest on a nearby large purple planet with huge rings.

It was there that they discovered a large black lion-shaped structure that reminded him of those titans they'd faced in the Abyss.

"Or the machinery used by a certain underground civilization," Edelgard breathed. "It almost looks as if it's staring at us- _oh!_ "

"It's glowing!" The structure's mouth opened, pulling both of them inside and in front of two strange panels of buttons. "El..."

"Dima..." She laughed. "This is our destiny! We're meant to fly it!"

"Well, let's go! With this on our side, whatever tries to attack us next doesn't stand a chance!" Dimitri shouted, and the black lion immediately began to fly back down to Earth, where Garreg Mach awaited them. Their classmates were going to get such a kick out of this!

Just then, four other colorful lions flew up to them. Blue, red, green, yellow.

"You didn't think we were gonna let you have all the fun, did you?" called Claude from the blue one. Professor Byleth piloted the green one, Yuri was in the red one, and...Lady Rhea in yellow?

"I've been so blind to the wonders of technology! Allow me to join your fight!" she cried. "Let us join together, and form the ultimate those who slither killing machine!"

So the five lions formed the creature known as Anti-Nemesis, which had a different name in ancient times according to Claude. But they found the slithery ones and beat the everloving shit out of them, which saved Fodlan and impressed everyone so much they welcomed the heroes back to Earth with a rave. _Edelgard, Dimitri! They discovered the lions and saved us all! Edelgard, Di-_

"-mitri. Edelgard? Dimitri?"

He opened his eyes, blinking away the blurriness. Edelgard lay on her side next to him, stretching like a cat. He felt as disoriented as she looked.

"Finally, you're awake," Professor Byleth said, shaking her head. "Claude found you outside lying on the ground, giggling and staring at nothing." She held up a piece of the lemon clover. "I assume this was responsible."

"It's edible," Edelgard murmured. "He said so."

"And the book told me," Dimitri added. The professor shook her head again.

"Did the book also mention that it's actually a powerful hallucenogenic, and that it _must_ be cooked first in order to be consumed safely?" _Oh._

"No, it did not. The next page started in the middle of-"

_OH._

In hindsight, the page did feel a bit thicker than normal when he turned it.

"Somehow I should have known," Edelgard groaned, but she was smiling. "It was a learning experience, at least...you didn't tell Hubert, did you?"

"Or Dedue. He warned me not to eat the weeds," Dimitri added with a sigh. The professor shrugged.

"That, I'm afraid, is your responsibility. And you will accept all of the lectures and smothering that comes with it," she said. "Now, I'm off to get you some water and thank the goddess you didn't suffer any more _embarrassing_ side effects."

She left, and Dimitri shrugged.

"I don't regret any of it."

"Me either." Edelgard smiled, then frowned a little. "Did I blurt out anything...embarrassing while we were...under the influence?" Dimitri bit his lip. He could swear he remembered something about slithering darkness, but it was all a blur.

"You didn't if I didn't."

"Good."

The next day, a black market merchant was mysteriously selling packets of raw lemon clover. Dimitri and Edelgard both whistled innocently as they passed by him. Or anyone else who happened to buy a packet.


End file.
